Why do people think its okay to comment on peoples weight

Making a thoughtless comment about a person’s weight happens more frequently than we realise. We might not consider the significance of the damage a comment can cause, but weight stigmas can contribute to someone developing severe depression or eating disorders.

There are an estimated 1.25 million people in the UK who have an eating disorder.

Today’s blog aims to help us understand why people pass comments about weight and the impact of weight comments on a listener.

Do we live with “unrealistic” ideals of body shape?

The “ideal” body shape has never been set in stone. What is culturally accepted as an “ideal body” can shift with the times. Evolving cultural norms and beauty standards mean that what we consider as the “ideal body” can be as mutable as sand blown across a beach.

Yet there are strong arguments to be made that the times we live in place unprecedented pressures on people to look a certain way. This can be due to the modern influences of media, fashion, advertising and social media. Many organisations in these fields, especially within social media, can perpetuate unrealistic body standards and ideals.

Research shows that social media can negatively impact body image from a young age. Other research also found that users were not only influenced by social media but also by peer comments.

Unrealistic, unachievable, or even damaging body ideals may digitally seep into our cultural norms, leading us to comment on someone’s weight abrasively.

What damage can be caused when commenting on someone’s weight?

Mentioning someone’s weight can have harmful effects on the person on the receiving end. There can be an immediate emotional response, which might lead to dangerous psychological complexes further down the line.

The immediate emotional response

For the person hearing unwanted comments on their weight, there could be immediate emotional responses that make them uncomfortable. Unsolicited comments toward a person about being over or underweight could make them feel:

• Discomfort and shyness, with a desire to leave
• Anger or a desire for confrontation as the “fight or flight response” is challenged
• Immediate embarrassment, especially in group settings

Deeper psychological responses

Leading on from the immediate emotional responses, deep psychological damage can start to form. They might not want to display any emotion at the time and simply go quiet, sadly “bottling up” their emotions.

This could cause sustained damage to a person over the long term. The consequences could include:

• Increased depression: A person’s mental health suffers as they receive negative comments on their weight. Receiving hurtful comments is linked to self-esteem and depressive symptoms.
• Triggering or exacerbating eating disorders: Research shows how hurtful comments and bullying can make a person more likely to develop eating disorders. These disorders can be especially long-lasting and difficult to heal.
• Body dysmorphia: Hearing unwanted, negative comments on your body over time can lead someone to develop body dysmorphia. This is when a person can’t stop thinking about a flaw they perceive in their body. Body dysmorphia can be a psychologically crippling experience.

What motivates a person to comment on someone’s weight?

Telling someone they’re too fat, too skinny, too tall, or too short to accomplish something can wreak havoc on the listener.

Yet, the motivations behind people’s comments on weight can be worth deep consideration. If you can better understand the reasons people pass these comments, it might make it easier to contextualise and process the pain felt when you hear them.

When you’re in your strongest state of mind, psychological pain can become more tolerable. We’d like to suggest some of the motivations that make people comment in the first place.

Commenting with malicious intent

While it’s beneficial to seek a deeper understanding of what motivates someone to make hurtful comments, it could be that this person simply wants to cause damage. They could comment on your weight with a line like, “You’re looking really skinny” or “You’ve put on a bit of weight.”

The speaker might be aiming to hurt the listener just to derive some gratification from putting someone else down.

On a deeper level, perhaps the speaker is projecting dissatisfaction with their own body. I feel bad, so therefore I’d like you to feel bad.

A person who aims to hurt someone with a weight-related comment is often in a miserable place. This relates to the phrase: “Hurt people hurt people.”

Commenting with non-malicious intent

Sometimes people pass a comment to someone about their weight because they genuinely would like to help them. This is usually the case when two people know each other deeply, like family members or close friends.

Motivational drivers are complex, but commenting on a friend or family member’s weight might be coming from a sincere, caring place. They might lack the sensitivity needed to remove the barbs from the comment, or they might not realise the level of pain you feel when they say it.

It can be good to open up to a friend or loved one if they do say something to you about your weight. Let them know how you feel, then try to dig deeper to find what their motivations for commenting are.

Weight perceptions in different countries and cultures

Leading on from non-malicious comments, it can be beneficial to understand that not all countries and cultures have the same cultural norms as us.

The relationship between body image and society can vary across cultures. For example, in many Asian countries, it is comparatively normal to pass a comment like ”Looks like your face has fattened a bit.” Research shows that beauty standards and body ideals in Asian countries vastly differ from Western cultural norms.

Cultural norms might differ between your friend groups. A speaker might pass a comment they see as normal, which you hear as hurtful and disrespectful

How can I best respond to comments about my weight?

Comments about your weight can happen at any time. Comments could come from a stranger or someone you care about. As you hear them, you might feel too embarrassed to reply, or the anger inside you might make you want to lash out.

There could be responses worth practising that help you better manage the way you feel after these comments.

Comments about weight at work

In the workplace, there is always the pressure of maintaining professionalism and controlling your emotions. That doesn’t mean you have to stay silent though. Here are some phrases that might help if someone hurtfully comments on your weight:

• You don’t need to be concerned about this.
• My thoughts on health differ from yours.
• Your comment is quite inconsiderate.
• I have things under control.
• I’m working on it.

You might also want to speak with your manager about setting boundaries with what is acceptable language in the workplace. Workshops for body positivity communication can be beneficial to work performance and team cohesion.

Comments on weight in social settings

Someone commenting on your weight while you’re not in the workplace can be a little different. You might find it more beneficial to open up and say how you really feel. Some useful responses you could consider are:

• I’d prefer it if you didn’t make unsolicited comments on my body.
• I think body image is a very personal thing.
• My parents raised me to keep hurtful comments to myself. How about yours?
• You shouldn’t comment on people’s bodies unless they’re on fire.
• I don’t talk about weight, religion or politics.

Witty and smart comments can help some people realise the error of their ways, but some people might continue to say things that are hurtful to you. If that’s the case, it is best to:

• Simply remain silent and hope it stops
• Slowly raise the inside of your palms to them, and say “Stop”
• Change the subject
• Leave the room

I need support with an eating disorder

Millions of people across the country feel the damage from weight-related comments. Working your way out of an eating disorder is incredibly difficult to do alone. If your relationship with food causes physical, mental or emotional problems, we want you to reach out to us.

Here at Banbury Lodge, we specialise in the treatment of many eating disorders. Our professional staff are trained to help you and your loved ones every step of the way.

Contact us today for the care you need to get out of an eating disorder. We’re only one phone call away to help you toward a healthier life.