The Role of Siblings in Addiction Recovery

Supporting a sibling as they go through recovery can be an extremely painful ordeal. When the person you grew up with is suffering, it is natural to share some of their pain innately.

As their sibling, there are unique bonds that can be instrumental in helping them tread the path to lasting sobriety. We look at the vital role siblings play in addiction recovery, suggesting practical steps you can take to help them in the healing process.

How do siblings feel having a brother or sister in recovery?

The impact of drug addiction does not only affect the person suffering from substance misuse. The pains felt can reverberate through the entire family, with siblings often experiencing a range of overwhelming emotions.

We recently found a beautiful anonymous poem at BreakingTheCycles that encapsulates the desolation and hopelessness a person can feel having a sibling battling addiction. A portion of the poem reads:

“I am the sad one.

The one losing her first best friend.

I am the reassuring one.

The one holding her Momma as she cries.

I am the torn one.

The broken one trying to hold everyone

together.

I am the confused one.

The one who wonders how we became

so unimportant and invisible.

I am the other child.

The ok one.”

These words go some way to illustrate the underlying and conflicting emotions a person feels when their brother or sister is struggling. It can feel like you become the “forgotten victim,” overshadowed by the amount of care and attention needed for your sibling in recovery. This can lay the grounds for bitterness and resentment to grow, which conflicts with the deeper familial love they still hold.

The greatest challenges siblings face

While worries and fears can be felt by any and all members of the family, siblings often face unique challenges, such as:

• Role shifts: The natural sibling relationship can be completely uprooted as one goes through addiction recovery. They may need to express themselves in new, uncomfortable ways, like expressing themselves more literally rather than their usual way of speaking.
• A “co-parenting” dynamic: Further into the shifting roles, some siblings may have to give an exhausting level of care, partially filling the role and responsibilities usually done by parents. New, intensive levels of care and dedication can quickly lead to stress and burnout.
• Deeply conflicting emotions: Seeing a brother or sister in recovery creates feelings of love, frustration, hope and distress. Overwhelming and contradictory emotions can be disorienting, leaving them at a loss and not knowing how, or even if, they can help.
• Guilt and self-blame: Siblings come of age together, often having their first experiences with partying or alcohol in each other’s company. Feelings of guilt can arise, as they may start to think “We went through the same experiences, so why am I okay, when they are not?”
• Fear of relapse: Recovery is a long and arduous process. Even at the end of a recovery programme, a sibling can live in constant fear that their brother or sister could relapse. This fear can become a heavy burden and impact their mental health.

Here it becomes crucial to remember that if you do have a sibling in recovery and you’re struggling, don’t lose hope. The relationship between you is unique in that you can feel like a peer and an equal to them, not necessarily carrying the pressure of parental authority.

For siblings who grew up together, they can feel like their spirit is deeply interwoven with theirs, which is part of the reason why you feel part of the pain they go through.

How can you support a sibling’s recovery?

To support your sibling as much as possible, you can better equip yourself with strategies to support their recovery. Some practical steps you can take that may help your brother or sister include:

Educate yourself about addiction and recovery

As your sibling goes through recovery, they are likely facing one of the biggest challenges in their life. The process of detoxification, rehab treatment and recovery can be intricate and overwhelming for them; they may, at times, want to bury their head. You can support them simply by learning more about drug or alcohol addiction and the recovery process. Sometimes they might feel that information from treatment providers is hard to process, but from you, the same information might resonate more. The same information coming from your mouth rather than a professional may indeed get through to them better. Use credible resources online to learn all you can, then speak with addiction treatment providers about what you learn. You might help your sibling stay calm at a critical time and ease some of your worries.

Celebrate recovery milestones with them

As your sibling goes through recovery, make sure you acknowledge and celebrate their achievements with them, regardless of how small they might seem. They are likely experiencing distressing withdrawal symptoms, so positive reinforcement from someone they love may help to soothe their stress. Celebrating with them will likely reinforce their commitment to complete recovery and may help instil a sense of pride.

Don’t lose track of caring for yourself

As you strive to give them all the care and support you can manage, don’t lose sight of your own needs and well-being. Taking better care of yourself is, in turn, taking better care of them. It isn’t possible to continuously fill someone else’s cup without slowly emptying your own.

Make sure your eating and sleeping habits remain healthy. This will be a pillar of support for you during difficult times. If you’re feeling low, practice self-care activities and journal your thoughts and feelings. Returning to a journal can be a rewarding and cathartic experience over the long recovery process.

Understand the role of family therapy

As a final recommendation to support your sibling, research the availability of dedicated family therapy as part of recovery. Involve other members of your family like parents or your sibling’s spouse.

Research into the efficacy of family therapy shows that siblings can be as important as parents in supporting a family member through recovery. The unique dynamics between siblings often allow for deeper communication and support, so work with a therapist to help them throughout recovery.

Where can I find help for my sibling’s addiction?

Having a brother or sister in recovery can make you feel complex and troubling emotions. You may laugh and cry with them on the same day. At times, you’ll feel full of energy and ready to help; on other days, you’ll feel exhausted.

Throughout the process, we want to let you know that support is available for them and you.

At UKAT, we provide comprehensive addiction treatment that supports not only the person struggling with substance use but also their family. Our detox programmes help your loved one through the challenging withdrawal symptoms. Our aftercare and family support services are in place to help ease the stresses felt by every family member.

Contact UKAT today and take the first step toward healing for your sibling, your family, and yourself.