Helping an Alcoholic Son or Daughter

Understanding why your son or daughter is drinking

Watching your child struggle with alcohol can be heartbreaking, especially when you don’t fully understand why they’ve started drinking in the first place. While it may be tempting to focus on getting them to stop, understanding the root cause of their drinking is just as important. Alcohol use often develops as a coping mechanism or due to environmental influences rather than simple recklessness or rebellion.

They’ve fallen in with the wrong crowd at school

Social circles have a significant impact on drinking behaviour, especially during the teenage years. If your child is spending time with peers who normalise or encourage heavy drinking, they may feel pressured to fit in. This can start as occasional drinking at parties and quickly become more regular, making it difficult to distinguish between social drinking and a developing problem.

They’re struggling with stress or mental health issues

Many young people turn to alcohol to manage undiagnosed anxiety or depression, often without realising the long-term impact. Exam pressures, relationship difficulties and feelings of loneliness can also drive them towards drinking as an escape.

If your child has always been independent, they might not express their struggles outright, but changes in behaviour or mood could indicate they’re using alcohol as a way to cope.

Alcohol is easily accessible at home

If alcohol is readily available in the house, your child may have started drinking out of curiosity before developing a habit. What starts as experimenting with a drink here and there can lead to a dependency, especially if they begin associating alcohol with relaxation or emotional relief.

They’re using alcohol to boost confidence

If your child has always been shy or socially anxious, alcohol may seem like an easy way to feel more outgoing. They might not even realise they’re relying on it but if they consistently drink before social events or struggle in situations where alcohol isn’t available, it could indicate an unhealthy dependence.

Recognising the signs that alcohol is taking over

It’s not always easy to tell when drinking has become a serious issue, especially if your child is good at hiding it. While occasional drinking doesn’t necessarily mean they have an addiction, certain patterns and behaviours could indicate a growing problem that needs addressing.

If you’re unsure whether your child’s drinking is becoming problematic, consider these questions:

• Have they been drinking more frequently than before, even in situations where they wouldn’t normally drink?
• Do they get defensive or dismissive when you bring up their alcohol use?
• Have you noticed mood swings, irritability or unexplained aggression?
• Are they struggling to keep up with school, work or responsibilities at home?
• Do they seem to prioritise drinking over hobbies, sports or time with family?
• Have they ever blacked out, been sick or suffered other negative effects from drinking but continued anyway?
• Do they hide alcohol or lie about how much they’ve been drinking?
• Have they been in trouble at school, work or with the police because of drinking?

Answering ‘yes’ to some of these questions doesn’t necessarily mean your child has an alcohol addiction, but it does suggest that their drinking is becoming a concern. At this stage, early intervention can make all the difference.

The hardest step: talking to your child about their drinking

Bringing up alcohol use with your child is one of the most difficult conversations you’ll have, but it’s also one of the most important. How you approach it can determine whether they open up or shut down entirely.

How to help them while they reduce their drinking

Supporting your child while they try to cut down on alcohol is a balancing act. You want to be there for them without enabling their drinking or taking on their responsibility to change.

One of the biggest challenges is setting boundaries. If they know you’ll always cover for them, whether it’s excusing their behaviour or providing financial support, it may make it easier for them to keep drinking. Instead, focus on ways to support them that encourage accountability.

Creating a healthy environment can also make a difference. Keeping less alcohol in the house, planning alcohol-free activities and encouraging them to talk about their feelings instead of bottling them up can help reinforce positive changes.

Patience is key. Change doesn’t happen overnight and setbacks are common. The important thing is to keep encouraging progress rather than punishing mistakes.

Encouraging professional help without forcing it

Note: Before exploring treatment options, it’s important to note that if your child is under 18, finding alcohol rehab services can be more challenging. Many rehab centres primarily cater to adults, meaning further discussions with a GP or specialist services will be necessary to explore the best support available. If your child is over 18, alcohol rehab is widely accessible, with various inpatient and outpatient options to suit different levels of dependency.

If your child is struggling to control their drinking, professional help can make a significant difference. The challenge is getting them to accept it.

Rather than demanding that they go to rehab or therapy, we should try to guide them toward it naturally. You might suggest they speak to a GP, research different support options together or even visit a support group with them. They’re far more likely to engage with the process if they feel like they’re making the decision themselves.

It’s also key to remember that alcohol rehab isn’t just for severe cases of alcohol addiction. Whether it’s an outpatient programme that fits around their daily life or a structured inpatient stay, there are options designed for different levels of dependency. Therapy, whether one-on-one or group-based, can also help address the underlying reasons behind their drinking, making long-term recovery more achievable.

The key is to keep the conversation open. Even if they’re resistant now, knowing help is available when they’re ready can make all the difference.

Supporting yourself while helping your child

Helping a child through alcohol addiction is exhausting, both emotionally and physically. It’s easy to become so focused on their wellbeing that you neglect your own. But if you’re drained, stressed and overwhelmed, it becomes even harder to support them effectively.

• Seeking support for yourself is just as important: Whether it’s talking to a therapist, joining a support group for parents of addicts or simply leaning on close friends and family, having an outlet can help you cope with the emotional toll.
• Setting boundaries is also essential: You can be there for your child without letting their struggles consume every part of your life. Making time for yourself by engaging in hobbies and prioritising your own mental health doesn’t mean you’re abandoning them. It means you’re staying strong enough to continue helping.

Taking the first step towards recovery together

If your child is ready to take the next step, professional support can make all the difference. Rehab and therapy provide not only expert guidance for them but also essential support for you as a parent, helping you navigate this journey together.

Banbury Lodge is a specialist rehab centre that offers dedicated care for young people aged 16–18. If you’re unsure where to start, we provide confidential advice on the best path forward. Whether you need information on rehab options, therapy, or local support services, we’re here to help.

Call us today to speak with an expert and take the first step toward lasting recovery.